Tube Steak - Nicholas Sparr

Drake and Bryan were planning on leaving PDX Monday morning. I told Bryan that you can buy books in Portland, he didn't believe me, but it was true, and he bought books. We also saw Ben Zarov in the place where you can buy books. Ben was buying books, too. Ben had to meet a girl, so Bryan, Drake and myself left and ate clams. 1.5 lbs. of clams to be exact! When the clams were gone, we played poker at the Bitter End. Drake was the first person knocked out. He did really well. He said, "those people all suck. Sparr, you better win. I'm gonna get some M-G-Decent." Drake bought three pitchers of M-G-Decent. When I finished in 6th, I found Ben paying to shoot animals in a video game. He said he missed Africa. Ben's friend picked us up and we went to a bar for dogs. I ordered Malt Bomb. That made my head hurt this morning. I also met a large 150 pound girl. Lacrosse is a bad sport.

Sparr Country!

Arrived in Sparr Country today! More to come!

RE: Redwoods - Bryan

Driving along the PCH through northern California and Southern Oregon has been the best driving of my life, and I’ve driven through quite a bit of the country. We left San Francisco a couple days ago—as you’ve heard, camping the first night out of SFO was a bust. My former roommate Kyle tipped us off to a nice camping site right on the beach, but alas it was filled. We drove up the road for another twenty minutes to the next campsite, and found that this too was filled. As was the next one. And the next one. Eventually we just decided screwitwe’llsleepinthecar, woke up early the next day, and hit a free campsite on the beach just south of Crescent City.

I love the ocean in all its forms, swimmable or not. The waves along the redwoods seem to be perpetually crashing hard enough to shower the beach and the grasslands lying adjacent to it with a perpetual fine mist. While this makes finding dry wood sort of a pain in the ass, at least it keeps you cool. Using fine woodsplitting techniques that evolved as a function of time, we hewed massive amounts of timber and collected driftwood for use as kindling. With a raging bonfire, we supped on pasta and a fine tomato sauce spiced with packets of picante salsa, hot sauce, and paremesan and red pepper packets foisted from the Yosemite Lodge cafeteria. Combined with a $3.99 Californian cabernet and a Kona Longboard Ale (also Californian), it made for a great last night in CA.

Splitting Redwoods

This is our hatchet, Great Vengeance.

Ezekiel 25:17

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you."

Huzzah!

Huzzah! Victory for the forces of Democratic Freedom! The posts are finally in the correct chronological order! Huzzah! Hip hip! Hooray!

Day 19, Somewhere in Southern Oregon - Drake

Landed ourselves in southern OR this afternoon, visiting Bryan's friend Cassie at her place of work: Wildlife Safari. What a cool place. Basically, we drove around a park and saw all of these transplanted animals from approx 30 ft away. Unfortunately, the elephant car wash cost $20, which was too much for a couple youngsters like us.

After the animal visitation sessions (perhaps a video to come) we ventured forth into Roseburg, where Cassie lives, went to the local McMenamins, saw some fireworks (prompted me to profess Oregon's awesomeness to the world in the video below), and then hit up a couple joints named Mark V and The Zoo. Almost got into a skirmish with a very drunk, very large, 40+ year old man at The Zoo (perhaps a video on that to come as well).

Days 17-18, Redwoods - Drake

Got into Redwoods a bit late. Had to sleep in the car. Woke up the next morning without incident and headed out to a camp site that is oft visited by thieves and bandits. After packing all of our valuables out, we moved down to the campground which was a gorgeous, 5-site little place right on the cliffs overlooking the Pacific. Caught a glimpse of low-tide and then made a fire worthy of the gods on Olympus. Overall, a fine occassion.

Day 16, San Francisco, CA - Drake

San Francisco remains one of my favorite cities in the United States. We got in around 1:00, hit up North Beach, caught some lunch at Sam Wo, met up with Bryan's friends, Jamie and Wil, my friend Nick, and then painted the town red...sort of. Overall, a great night that only convinced that it's not only the city, but the people, of San Francisco that are beautiful. (Begin applause (of award acceptance speech(for award for most love for SF)))

Days 13-15, Yosemite - Drake

Yosemite is big, very big. I'll just post some picture and video and let it speak for itself. Except for Half Dome, which Ben and I summited. 8 hours later, my legs fell off.

Day 12, Mammoth Lakes, CA - Drake

Met up with Ben. Most people who know Ben know that his life has been blissful for the last 7 or so months. Visiting Mammoth Lakes was confirmation that he wasn't just trying to make us jealous.

ORDER OF EVENTS

1. Arrive, meet roommates.

2. Walk approx 400m to local brewshop, where tasting of excellent beer is free.

3. Drive to Roberto's, a great Mexican restaurant. Ordered a fish burrito and a margarita. So tasty.

4. Drive back to Ben's house, commence drinking. All housemates are present, watching/judging.

5. Get driven to local bar. Bar has go-go dancers.

6. Make way home around 2:00 am. Watch about 20 minutes of MI:3, fall asleep on couch.

7. Wake up at 6:00, go to Yosemite.

DOCUMENTATION OF EVENTS

Day 10, Santa Clara, CA - Drake

As you can see, we've picked up a new member, Charlotte.We got her mail-order off a plane from St. Louis to LAX, apparently the box she was hidden in didn't make it past security (reasons unknown).

After getting her a new, more fashionable dress with less lace, we hopped on US Hwy 1 and headed north. We landed for the night in a park near San Luis Obispo where we shanghaied a camping spot despite lacking a reservation. Waking up, we continued north to the Hearst Ranch, took a tour, and then mosied up to Monterrey and Santa Cruz, finally ending the day at our friend Kevin's

in Santa Clara.

Kevin works as a Student Affairs intern with the University of Santa Clara. He lives in a house right across from campus with his girlfriend Melissa, and they are excellent entertainers. It was actually very reminiscent of Iowa - we spent the night sitting on the porch, sipping brew, and discussing the merits (or, in my opinion, lack of merit) of furries. On to Mammoth Lake! Yosemite! Ben Raphelson!

Day 9 - Charlotte

Hi, my name is Charlotte Picard. I'm a 23 yo swf from Saint Louis, MO. My interests include medicine, farming, painting, writing, tagging along on roadtrips, flying on airplanes, working at Barnes & Noble, tank tops, nuclear winter, Tijuana donkey shows, and furries. I'm looking for the following out of a partner: a great personality - funny, both physically and intellectually charismatic, egotistical yet considerate, proper yet improper, and just generally awesome; good looks; socially considerate - preferably has experience being both homeless and vagrant; a very unstable job - preferably working with kids, but not little kids, like college kids; and athletic - like a runner. I don't have any hope of ever finding such a perfect partner, but if you know of anyone, please contact me at Charlotte.Picard@mail.mcgill.ca.

After we found Charlotte on a plane, we decided that we should drive north, up the coast of California on Highway 1. We ended up stopping just outside of San Luis Obispo in a place called Morro (sp?) Bay. There were no "open" campsites, but we found a suitable place and set up shop for the night.

Videos!

We finally got some video up. I've tried to put the appropriate video with each post, but some might be out of order...like this one.

Day 8, Los Angeles, CA - Drake

It occurs to me that I am the only one writing on this blog. Bryan's ass is being lazy (and taking a bunch of pictures). Hopefully, we'll have some video up on here soon. For instance, we've got some good video of our escape from Joshua Tree, which was apparently overrun by bees immediately before we got there.

Anyway, stayed in JTree for a night and got into LA this morning around 9:00. After hitting up an In N Out Burger at 10:00 am we then hit up Huntington Beach, home of thousands of beautiful women. Couple hours there and then some lunch with Bryan's Uncle Tony. Some funny interactions (perhaps to be detailed by Bryan rather than myself) and a few hours later, we're chilling with a couple old high school friends in Pasadena. Another burger for dinner and maybe some beers and we'll call it a night. (For those more observant fellows, that's three burgers in 24 hours. Huzzah, California! Land of plenty!)

Day 7, Joshua Tree NP, CA - Bryan

We've crossed the Southwest and made it to the great state of California.

Upon entering the state, after descending through the car commercial-worthy twists and turns of the Sparr mountain range in SW Arizona, we came to an agricultural checkpoint where our car was inspected for illicit fruits and/or vegetables.

We handed over our (inferior) Texan oranges and proceded on our way to Joshua Tree. We didn't get in until about 11:30-- J Tree is not very well marked-out in terms of where to go/how to get there, and our map was lacking in specificity. We drove around until we saw something we recognized, and deduced how to get to the campground we wanted to stay at-- Jumbo Rocks. Jumbo Rocks was, unfortunately, closed for business. More on this later.

We ended up heading down the road a ways to a site that had a sign up saying, "Reservations Required." Having neither reservation nor the desire/energy to continue searching, we set up shop in Sheep Pass, pitched our tent, drank a couple beers, and went to bed fairly quickly. The star visibility in Joshua Tree is great. We might be close enough to LA (definitely are) that the light pollution has an effect, but relative to Houston, it was surreal. You could see that stars are dusted across the sky, and the ribbons of the milky way and all that... definitely beat the shit out of the dozen or so points of light visible through the lights of Houston. I also saw the brightest meteorite of my life.

Next day we woke up early, decided to hit the road to avoid a Ranger encounter and possible ticket. On the way out, tried to do some boulder photographing. I was setting up the tripod for another shot of a rock when I heard Drake say, "Uh, hey man, we gotta get out of here. The car is surrounded by bees." I looked back and saw that he wasn't kidding. We jumped into the car, rolled down the windows (which had been partially down and, thus, had admitted many bees) and sped off. The bees gave chase, but Rolling Thunder used all of Her power to evade their wrath.

According to this article, we're lucky to be alive.

Days 5-6, Grand Canyon, AZ - Drake

Just finished hiking into and out of the Grand Canyon. Legs are very, very sore.

Grand Canyon Experience Index

Cost of backcountry permit: $10.

Shortest hike: 1:45, from Bright Angel campground to Ribbon Falls (pictured).

Longest hike: approx 5:00, from Bright Angel to the South Rim.

Total miles hiked: approx 26.2 (6.2+6+6+8).

Average weight of backpack: 40 lbs.

Liters water consumed, outward journey: approx 4.

Liters water consumed, return journey: 10+.

Calories consumed over two night hike: ~800.

Calories expended: at least ~3,000.

Food consumed after return: Three oranges, two cans Chef Boyardee ravioli, handfulls of Kirkland trail mix, two 32 oz. Powerades, and a 32 oz. gatorade (approx 2,000 calories).

Time spent in shower after journey: 8 minutes.

Cost of shower: $4.75, combined.

Emotional/Psychological cost: -$4.75.

The hike down took up a brisk 2:38 for 6.2 miles while the hike back was closer to 5:00 for about 8 miles. Lack of planning resulted in one day's worth of food being brought down for two night's of camping which in turn resulted in an Odwalla bar apiece for the 2,000-3,000 foot, ocho return trek. Needless to say, it was pretty rough. Towards the end, minutes spent hiking were about equal to minutes spent sitting on the side of the trail, catching our breath. We each drank 4-5 liters of water on the return journey and had packs weighing between 35-50 lbs. As a miscellaneous note, the French LOVE the GC. Maybe a third of total people I met over the last two days were French. Kind of strange. Also, French bros are more broish than any bro-bro you can imagine. But maybe that's just because I can't understand them.

Onward to Joshua Tree for the night, LA in the mornin'.

Day 4, Petrified Forest NP, AZ - Drake

Beautiful desert. Rained a bit.

Day 3, New Mexico - Drake

A bit late on this one. We left Texas on Friday, July 10 and headed to Ruidoso, NM to stay with Paul Brown (pictured). Advertised as a 9 hour drive, it ended up taking closer to 11. To break it up, we swung through Carlsbad and checked out the caverns, which were pretty rad. Getting into Ruidoso around 10:00, Bryan promptly passed out and I went over to a friend of Paul's for a couple beers and visitation hours. Getting back around 2:00, I then went to bed. Paul came back around 5:30 and took a picture of me while I was sleeping. Kind of weird. Anyway, we woke up, had an ultra-hearty breakfast thanks to Mrs. Brown and hit the road for Petrified Forest NP, which will be caught up with later.

Day 1, Houston - Drake

Arrived in Houston last night around 11:15 CST. My flight was scheduled to leave Chicago at 6:00 and arrive 'round 9:15/9:30 but traffic on 290E near the tri-state interchange got a little thick...like churned butter thick. Leaving home at 3:00, I finally got to Midway at 7:00 - a drive that usually takes 80 minutes had tripled to 240 - and managed to get myself placed on standby for the last flight out that night.

I'll be working on getting a functional, pictorialed and videoized blog up by the end of the afternoon. Technology today is incredible. It's kind of weird to start thinking those thoughts. As a kid, I just took the advances in stride and now it seems like technology is advancing faster than my brain. Yikes. Anyway, more to come.

Observations, Day 1:

1) Don't go to the airport in your pajamas - For me, this wasn't a terribly bad experience as my pajamas were just a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt. There were, however, a number of people for whom I felt sympathetic: girl in bright pink suede pants, you're one; 30-year old man in snowman pants, you're kind of cool, but I hope the snowman pants are intentionally coy; small child dressed as a grape, I hope that someone took a picture of you yesterday and that you find it as a young adult, looking for answers, dressed as a melon.

2) If you are a new parent, do not travel with your children - Sitting next to an adorable two- or three-year old is great until the lights go out, at which point all hell breaks loose - tears, wailing, flailing, in-flight magazines all over the floor, etc. - until you have to assuage your child with your Blackberry's ringtones which are then played over and over and over again for the remainder of the flight.

3) Reminder: Kum 'N Go does not exist in Chicagoland - This is important, especially if you forget to change out of your pajamas. Traveling in running shorts and a t-shirt is cool...as long as you don't have a pink, Kum 'N Go biker hat on. With that one addition to your travel togs, you are suspected to be gay. Evidence to the affirmative: being approach not once, nay twice, by Evangelicals in the waiting-to-check-in line; the abundance of attractive women seemingly eager to engage me in conversation regarding where they should eat in the terminal; and weary, possibly hateful glances from a number of men. It took me a bit to figure out that all of this was because of my Kum 'N Go hat, but I'm pretty sure it was. I checked in the bathroom to make sure that it really did look like I had rolled out of bed (so I wasn't having a "good day") and didn't look overly athletic/cool...like the guy everyone sees at the airport with his backpack on and you know he's going to have a great adventure. No, none of this was true. I simply was myself with pajamas and a pink, sexual innuendoed hat on.